So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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