I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
