I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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