pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
