In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
