the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
