we're blogging at a bar
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the condom got lost in my hair
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
