hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I FOUND THE LEGS
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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