You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
