Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
