I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
