Swine flu. Run for my life!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
