The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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