K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
