she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
