my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
