I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Where is the hickey?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
