I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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