I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
