turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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