i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
