K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
someone threw a dead crab at me
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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