so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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