I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Randomize
