I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
we made out on top of his cat.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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