i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
