You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
