My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
