Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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