why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
