my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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