Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
