You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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