you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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