I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
