dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
