My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
