just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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