My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
