overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
