I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize