we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
