Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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