you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
