Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
