I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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