I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
even my farts smell like vagina
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
