Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize