he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
