Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
