i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Randomize
