dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
