SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
