But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
me + whiskey = a bad person
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
