none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize