And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
