I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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