grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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