Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
