So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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