so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize